


Live Like We're Dying (i dont want to die but i want live)

by MessedUpMessages



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: M/M, first posted songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-24
Updated: 2018-09-24
Packaged: 2019-07-16 07:23:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,214
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16081289
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MessedUpMessages/pseuds/MessedUpMessages
Summary: keith doesnt want to dieorin which the author tortures some paladins





	Live Like We're Dying (i dont want to die but i want live)

**Author's Note:**

> based of the song live like we're dying by kris allen  
> horrible song in my opinion but great lyrics  
> credit where credit is due  
> im sorry but i really like this fic and introduced my nonfic reader friend into fanfiction with it  
> anyway  
> enjoy

Sometimes we fall down and can't get back up   
We're hiding behind skin that's too tough   
How come we don't say I love you enough   
'Til it's too late, it's not too late

 

Lance felt blood flooding his brain, a pounding throb in his temple. His senses were on fire and he was swamped with his adrenaline as he swiveled the barrel of his long range rifle around the compound, keeping an eye on the rest of the paladins. Pidge was fine, holding her own against the chaotic melee of sentries facing her down. Hunk had it in the bag with the new addition to his bayard, and allura was being badass as usual.

His rifle scope found its way to keith again, who was slicing through sentries like they were leaves, parts flying everywhere.

But it wasn’t enough. Lance could see reinforcements pouring in from all sides, and for a second he lost visual on keith.

That did it. Pushing off his perch lance jumped, aided by his jet packs, and landed next to keith. the black paladin looked affronted, but let lance guard his back with his shorter rifle. 

With a clanging of metal and the firing of lasers they made short work of the sea of sentries. Lance turned to keith, grinning as the boy stabbed the last robot with his bayard. Keith started to smile back before something behind lance made his face harden. 

“Lance!” he yelled, hefting his bayard.

But it was too late. Lance turned just in time to catch the sentries blast in the chest.

The armor absorbed most of it but it still sent him flying into the wall, hitting it and sliding down. Keith threw his bayard, skewering the sentry, then ran to lance.

The red paladin clutched the smoking hole in the white armor weakly. A healing pod could fix this injury quickly, but he couldn’t understand why it had to  _ hurt _ so damn much. Then keith was standing over him, anxious face framed by a halo of hair inside his helmet. He said something but lance couldn’t hear, his head was ringing from contact with the wall. But something in his chest, a warm heat, was expanding, swelling, and it wasn’t the wound.

Everything still in silent, like one of those old movies his abuela watched, lance felt himself being picked up by keith, pressed against his armor. He looked up at keith, saw the rage and worry on his face, and realized what the feeling in his chest was. It was something long in coming, but a fast realization made more potent by the injury and adrenaline.

Dammit. Lance thought to himself. I like him.

His delirious self tried to force the words out, but weather it was his internal walls that blocked himself from the subject that stopped him or his failing bodily functions, he couldn’t tell. All he knew was that this was something he could never come back from. It was too late to retract the feelings that had suddenly broken free.

He didn't even know that he had imprisoned them in the first place.

Another face hove into view. Pidge. She gestured frantically, then hunk appeared and took him from keith. Lance tried to make a noise of protest, but he couldn't get his stupid vocal cords to work.

The edges of his vision were spotted, fading to white, then all of his eyesight went black. His last thought was of keith.

  
Our hearts are hungry for a food that won't come   
And we could make a feast from these crumbs   
And we're all staring down the barrel of a gun   
So if your life flashed before you, what would you wish you would've done

 

Keith immediately forgot about lances brush with death. It hasn't really been close enough to worry, and besides, it happened almost daily. They were paladins. It was an occupational hazard.

Anyway, he had bigger problems. Namely, the warmth that bubbled up inside of him every time he saw lance. He told himself it would pass, and forced it down. Lance was intent on their rivalry. He was so straightforward and flirted with anything that moved, so keith was  _ fairly _ certain if he had had any interest he would have said something by now.

He shoved his traitorous thoughts away to the back of his mind, locking them in the prison encompassing the well worn mind track of  _ I like lance, he doesn’t like me, so i can't tell him i like him. _ It wouldn’t get in the way of his focus at any cost. or maybe he should have said at the very least.

Readjusting his grip on his bayard, keith leaned around the corner of the galra ship, checking for sentries or officers. Seeing none, he stood slowly.

The click of a safety being flicked off and the white noise whine of a charging blaster made him turn in surprise.

The cold metal of a blaster barrel pressed into his forehead, the sentry in front of him announcing in a robotic voice, “you are a trespasser. Prepare to be executed.”

He wasn’t sure how the sentry had possibly snuck up on him, but he closed his eyes and prepared for the fatal shot. Occupational hazard, he reminded himself.

He’d heard of people's lives flashing before their eyes, but that wasn’t what happened. 

The only two things that came into his head were lance and voltron. 

Voltron he dismissed immediately. They would survive without him. 

In the remaining few seconds his mind flicked over his memories with lance, pausing on the prison in the back of his mind. It broke open and flooded him with one thought

He wished he’d told lance how he felt. Even if the answer was rejection, he should have told him.

A fire boiled in his gut.

He wouldn’t die here.

He couldn’t. He had to tell lance. He couldn’t do that if he was dead.

The whine of the gun whirred higher. Keith flashed down, knocking the sentries leg out from under it then summoning his bayard. With a lightning strike he cut it's head off, then set off down the corridor.

He’d tell lance eventually.

  
Yeah gotta start   
Looking at the hands of the time we've been given here   
This is all we got then we gotta start thinkin' it   
Every second counts on a clock that's tickin'   
Gotta live like we're dying oh

 

Keith couldn't tell lance. 

At least, that what he told himself. He had returned to the rut in his mind, the loop of   _ I like lance, he doesn’t like me, so i can't tell him i like him.  _

But he also knew that being a paladin of voltron was dangerous, and it would only get more so the closer they got to defeating lotor. Was it better to live vicariously for one minute, spill his heart out to lance, and live the rest of his life(which probably wouldn't be very long if their missions continued along this trend) with rejection, or to live out his short life with his tentative rival-friendship with lance intact?

He couldn’t decide. But there was something in him, a internal counter of dread, counting down to the time when he knew he would either die or have to confess.

He’d rather die.

But maybe… maybe he could live like he was dying. No repercussions.

  
We only got 86 400 seconds in a day   
To turn it all around or to throw it all away   
Gotta tell 'em that we love 'em while we got the chance to say,   
Gotta live like we're dying oh

 

Lance paced his room, counting mindlessly and assigning meanings to the numbers.

One two three, four five six, seven.

He was one of Seven defenders of the universe.

Six… he couldn’t think of something for six.

He was one part of Five giant robots.

He had Three older siblings

He knew Two aliens.

He knew One keith.

And one other thing. One confession buzzing around lances skull, pestering him to distraction, threatening, poised to sting at a moments notice.

He was aware of the danger in his job. He was also aware of the tumultuous, delicate relationship he had with keith, a rivalry bordering on an odd friendship. He didn't want it to break with some stupid crush. or more than a crush. It didn't matter.

But he was also aware that he needed to tell him. He didn't think he could die without telling him. He would become a ghost or something, hanting keith from the afterlife.

That would suck.

But he had the chance right now. He was alive. Breathing. Not...not dying. Thats always a plus, he thought dryly. Not dying.

Maybe he needed to die for him to tell keith. .

No, that was stupid. Then it would really suck. Maybe if he just told himself his days were numbered he could muster the courage.

Oh well.

He’d try.

  
Well if your plane fell out of the skies   
Who would you call with your last goodbye   
Should be so careful who we left out of our lives   
So when we long for absolution, there'll be no one on the line

 

The galra were getting smarter, or something, keith decided. They were locked in the brig of a battleship, hands handcuffed to chains linking them to the ceiling. It was two to a cell, so of course he had been stuck with lance, who was hanging limply from his cuffs.

“You know if you do that, you’ll lose all circulation in your wrists.” keith snarked. Why did he do that? He didn't want to drive lance away, but when he was nervous, apparently that was his instinctive reaction. 

Lance lifted his eyes to keith, face slack. “Not the time, mullet.”

Keith looked away. “You're right. I'm sorry.” 

That sparked real interest in lance's eyes.  “It's fine.” was all he said.

Keith closed own eyes. Biting his tongue before speaking. “Hey...lance?”

Lance cocked his head tiredly. “Yeah?”

“Nothing really. I just thought, if this is the end…” Lance snorted but keith barreled on, using their predicament as fuel for his ‘live like you’re dying’ motto. “If this is the last time we see each other, i figured i'd tell you. I really like you. More than i should. More than...friends.”

Keith cringed at the cheesy clicheness of his own statement, but Lances head jolted up sharply. “What.”

“Y-yeah. Sorry if it makes things weird, but it's true.”

Lance looked like he was about to reply, about to crush keith's hoped beneath his heel, but the shouts of the guards overlaid anything he was thinking. They both looked to the door, where the shadow of a galra general appeared and opened it.

He stepped inside, holding his rifle casually.

“Hello, little paladins. Which one wants to go first.”

Keith's eyes hardened into flakes of steel. “First for what.”

“Wouldn’t you like to know?” he growled.

Keith balled his fists, casting an agonized glance at lance. “Take me.”

The general shrugged. “Volunteers. Interesting. Your associates wouldn't do that.”

Rage boiled under Keith's skin at the thought of what the galra might have done to the rest of voltron. The general reached up to unlock the cuffs, and the second his hands were free he lunged for his thick neck. The galra grinned and picked him up by his arm like a kitten.

“Feisty, eh? That’ll be the first thing we beat out of you.” he said, then raised the heel of his gun.

Keith’s eyes flashed to lance, who was speechless with horror, face pale, eyes wide. “I'm sorry” he said, right before the metal crashed into his head.

  
You never know a good thing until it's gone   
You never see a crash until it's head on   
Why we think we're right when we're dead wrong,   
You never know a good thing 'til it's gone

 

“No!” lance shrieked as the galra smashed the butt of his gun into the back of keiths skull, making him go limp. The galran officer leered over his shoulder before slamming the door. Lance threw himself at his cuffs, thrashing so hard they drew blood, sobbing. There was nothing he could do. He had had everything he wanted for a few seconds, just to have it ripped violently away. This was too much.

He could never have seen this coming. Of all the things keith could have said, this was not what he had expected.

And now he was gone. Probably to be tortured. 

Lance shuddered and sucked in a dry sob. God, he wasn't going to be able to live with himself if keith was dead.

How could he have thought it was a good idea to wait to tell him? It should have been his first priority. 

Shouts penetrated his frantic thoughts, forcing the concept of escape into his mind. There was hope. He could get out, and save keith.

“Help!” he yelled, writhing in the chains. There was a muffled explosion and the clang of metal, then a short figure hauled themselves up to look into the window of his door. Pidge shook her hair out of her face, putting on her helmet.

“Lance?” she asked, a shadow flitting over her face briefly. “Wheres keith?”

Lance swallowed hard. “The general came in and got him a few minutes ago.”

“Got him?” 

“He- he took him. I don't know where, probably to torture him for information.” lance was too panicked to think about how choked he sounded. Pidges face went dark.

“Alright. I'll get you out then you can go find keith while i get the others.”

Lance nodded before pidge vanished. There was a click then the shriek of twisted metal and the smell of smoke. A tiny explosion had burst the door hinges apart and pidge hurried in, producing a key and uncuffing lance with some difficulty owing to her height. Rubbing circulation back into his hands, lance followed her out until she pointed him to a side corridor.

“that’s the only way out of the brig.”she said. 

Lance nodded again and hurried off, opening every door with a quiet, “keith?”

Every door he opened drained his hope a little more.

 

Yeah we gotta start lookin' at the hands of the time we've been given here   
This all we got and we gotta start thinkin' it   
Every second counts on a clock that's tickin'   
Gotta live like we're dying oh

 

Keith didn't bother to fight the general as he was dragged down the corridor into a room. he was strapped to the table by thick leather bands. The general loomed over his face.

“Not gonna say anything?” he laughed. “Plead for your life?” 

Keith opened his mouth like he was about to speak then spat in the generals face. He was past caring about himself. He had told lance how he felt, he had lived like he was dying, and now he was actually going to die. 

The general reeled back, wiping saliva off his cheek. Wordlessly he reached for a long bladed knife, almost surgical in it's needlepoint sharpness. 

Keith felt the prick of fear run down his spine again. He was still afraid of pain. He may have run out of his time allotment for life, but he began to realize that maybe he didn't want to die. He wanted to talk to lance again. He wanted to convince him to love him back. He wanted to kiss him, hug him, touch him. He wanted to do a whole host of mundane things that people can only do when their alive. And he wanted to do them with lance.

He wanted to live.

Keith saw the general coming back over and screamed in rage, writhing against his bonds. The general grinned, but it wasn’t friendly like lances. It sent a chill to keiths heart.

“You gonna fight now?” the general chuckled. “Now that i have you chained? You have no survival instincts.”

Keith roared again. He wasn’t going to die now.

  
We only got 86 400 seconds in a day   
To turn it all around or to throw it all away   
Gotta tell 'em that we love 'em while we got the chance to say,   
Gotta live like we're dying   
  
Lance felt his facade crumbling. 

He had opened almost all the doors in the hall, and all were empty.

Then he heard the scream. It was keith, his voice hoarse with terror. Lance felt his heart jump with fear and he was running, running towards the danger, no matter what monster awaited him. If it had hurt keith, he would tear it apart.

Screw living for death.

He felt the precious seconds passing in his pulse as he thundered down the hall, turning the corner and nearly sliding into the other wall. As soon as he had saved keith he vowed he would tell him how he felt. No more beating around the bush. They were still alive, and even though they could die, it was useless to wait. Better to take the chance when it was there then let it slip away.

He burst through another door and was confronted with the image of a panting keith strapped to a table, the purple general and two sentries looming over him, a blade in the generals fist. He summoned his bayard with a scream of rage and shot the sentries. The general whirled, picking up a surgical steel tray and deflecting lances next shot. Lance didn't care, making his way to keith and shooting the straps. The general fled while the had the chance.

Keith slid off the table into lances embrace, shaking. His throat was raw from yelling, but he let out quiet whimpering noises into lances shoulder.

“Lance.” he murmured hoarsely, trying to talk. Lance shhhed him softly.

“No no. listen to me keith. I need to tell you this.”

Keith's violet eyes met lances blue ones and he listened.

“Keith, i'm in love with you.”

The violet eyes were absorbed by black pupils.

“I decided i couldn't wait any longer to tell you, especially after what you told me. I decided...i'd take the risk. While i had the chance.”

Keith smiled in understanding, consoled. “Live like you're dying.” he whispered. Lance smiled weakly back. 

“Exactly.”

Keith put his head back on lances shoulder and blew out a long breath as his adrenaline shock faded. “I'm glad you told me that.” he mumbled. “Cause, theres something i said i would do as soon as i saw you.”

Lance shot the back of his head a guarded look. “What that?”

Keith sat up slowly and put one arm behind lance’s neck, the other on his jaw. Keith leaned in and kissed him.

The terror and tension melted brom both of them like snow, dissolving into thin air. After a long moment the broke apart and watched each other. Keith smiled. “I don't think i want to die anymore.”

Lance let out a breathless, gasping laugh. “Neither do i.”

  
Yeah we gotta start lookin' at the hands of the time we've been given here   
This all we got and we gotta start thinkin' it   
Every second counts on a clock that's tickin'   
Gotta live like we're dying oh


End file.
